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8 (funny) tips to win two-player games

Blog written by The Paladin on June 27, 2007 at 02:35 PM

This is a simple list of steps that anyone can follow to become an UBER NINJA GAMER OF DEATH AND TOTAL ANNIHILATION!!!! Well...you may not become quite that cool, but you might not lose as often against your 8 year old cousin next time you play Halo 2.

1) Bluff. Say how good you are at playing the game and try and make your opponent think that they are never going to beat you. If you brainwash your opponent into believing this, they are going to play the game in such a way as to give you an immediate mind advantage.

2)Take Control. If it's an action game like shooting, always get to the good guns first but if your opponent gets the good weapons that's your cue to get a good place to hide.

3)Defend and Attack. If it's a fighting game always block as many of their blows as possible and attack when possible. If it's a close combat/fighting game such as boxing or wrestling always use moves and punches that you can use from a distance so you can easily move off block straight after you attack.

4)Watch Your maps. If it's a racing or free roam game, then look for any maps that may be onscreen, as they can tell you of hiding places or other players.
5)Concentrate. Always stay focused on the game and not on anything else.
6)Call Time. Pause the game at crucial moments when your opponent is about to win. Take the opportunity to regroup and rethink. When you come back you will be ready to move or dodge straight away.
7)Cheat. If your opponent goes to the bathroom or something like that let them pause the game but when they go away, surreptitiously get some more health or power-up without their knowledge. This gives you a great advantage. (Of course, they may never want to play with you again if you act in this unfair manner.)
8)Distract. Distract your opponent as much as you can. e.g if anything out of the ordinary happens at all do something or get in their way such as if a bee or a fly comes try and get in the way of the T.V. trying to hit it so your opponent can't see what they are doing.

Extra TIPS

If you do try to give yourself more health or cheat while your opponent isn't in the room make sure he/she doesn't find out or catch you.

If you do cheat and your friend is mad at you, purposely kill your own character to make up for it. Or you could go get him a soda. That would give him the advantage to cheat and get revenge.
In shooter games, stay prone if possible.

Extra WARNINGS

If he/she does catch you cheating he may make you start the game all over again or he may find other friends to play with next time.
This is a temporary solution. Practice, so you won't have to resort to cheating.
Don't be a sore loser. Just try to have fun.
Don't be a sore winner either, no one likes a bragger. If you brag they might not want to play with you again.
If you get more health, your opponent will probably notice. Tell him that you cheated, but that you were just messing around or something. If you laugh or something, it is likely that he will laugh with you and not get mad.